Kiyaye Boredom Daga cikin Dakin

Wadatacce

• Bita don

A farkon dangantakar ku, akwai wutar lantarki, sha’awa, da jima'i-yau da kullun, idan ba awa ɗaya ba! Bayan shekaru, yana da ƙalubale don tuna lokacin ƙarshe da kuka tsirara tare. (Alhamis da ta gabata-ko jira, shin watan da ya gabata ne?) Ba abin mamaki bane idan ba za ku iya tunawa ba: Yawancin ma'aurata da suka sadaukar da kansu ba sa dumama zanen gado kamar yadda suka saba, galibi saboda mata sun rasa sha'awar. A wani bincike da ya shafi mata kusan 1,000, masu bincike sun gano cewa kashi 65 cikin 100 na wadanda ke da alaka da juna tsawon shekara guda ko kasa da haka sun bayar da rahoton cewa suna son yin jima’i akai-akai, idan aka kwatanta da kashi 26 cikin 100 na matan da aka haura tsawon shekaru uku. Bayan ɗaukar nauyin rayuwar soyayya, rashin sha'awar jima'i mummunan labari ne ga lafiyar ku. "Bincike da yawa sun nuna cewa mutanen da ke yin rayuwar jima'i suna da karancin ciwon zuciya, ƙara ƙarfin hali, da tsarin garkuwar jiki mai ƙarfi," in ji Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., mai binciken jima'i a Vorhees, New Jersey, kuma co-marubucin Kimiyyar Orgasm. Anan akwai dalilai shida na rayuwa na ainihi sha'awarku ta jima'i ta ragu, kuma sauƙaƙe motsi don taimaka muku sake saduwa da ɓangaren sha'awar ku.

"Na damu matuka."

Matsanancin tashin hankali na sama na iya lalata soyayya. "Danniya yana haɓaka samar da homon-yaƙi-ko-jirgin sama kamar cortisol, wanda ke dakatar da martanin shakatawa da ake buƙata don farkon tashin hankali," in ji Myrtle Wilhite, MD, mai binciken lafiyar jima'i a Madison, Wisconsin. Don rage matakan damuwa, matsi a cikin akalla minti 30 na motsa jiki a rana-kuma idan zai yiwu, tsara aikin motsa jiki kusa da lokacin da kuke shirin samun kwance. Masu bincike a Jami'ar British Columbia sun gano cewa mata sun fi sha'awar kallon fim ɗin batsa lokacin da suka yi motsa jiki na mintuna 20 a gaba. "Ko da tafiya cikin gaggawa na iya taimaka muku samun saurin kunnawa ta hanyar haɓaka kwararar jini, wanda ke ƙara jin daɗi," in ji Wilhite. Bonus: Yin jima'i babban damuwa ne kuma. "Za ku ji karin annashuwa bayan kun yi soyayya saboda inzali yana ƙara matakan hormone oxytocin mai kwantar da hankali, wanda ke haifar da kwantar da hankali, jin barci," in ji Anita Clayton, MD, farfesa a sashen ilimin hauka da ilimin halayyar kwakwalwa a cikin Jami'ar Virginia kuma marubucin Gamsuwa: Mata, Jima'i, da Neman kusanci.

"Na gaji da jima'i, gara in kalli fim mai kyau."

Abubuwa kaɗan ne za su iya sabunta sha'awar ku, da kyau, sha'awar yadda ya kamata fiye da sanin cewa kuna da babban kololuwa a gaban ku. Samar da inzali mai ƙarfi da jin daɗi yana ɗaya daga cikin fa'idodin motsa jiki akai-akai, majajjawa na tsokoki waɗanda ke tallafawa mafitsara, urethra, da farji. (Su ne tsokoki guda ɗaya waɗanda ke ba ku damar dakatar da kwararar fitsari a tsakiya.) Wani bincike daga Journal of Clinical Psychiatry ya gano cewa matan da ke da raunin ƙwanƙwasa ba su da yuwuwar samun inzali fiye da waɗanda ke da ƙarfi. Anan ga yadda ake ba waɗannan tsokoki, waɗanda ke ƙaruwa da ci gaba da tsufa, motsa jiki, wanda aka fi sani da Kegels: Yi tunanin ƙasan ƙasan ku a matsayin ɗagawa wanda ke hawa jirgi huɗu, babban matakin shine kugu. Iftauka da matsewa don hawa zuwa kowane bene, riƙe na daƙiƙa a kowane "tsayawa." Daga nan sai ku sake komawa ƙasa, bene ɗaya ɗaya. Don iyakar sakamako, maimaita sau 10 sau biyu ko sau uku a rana.

Don ƙara farfaɗo da sha'awa, yi tunani a waje da ɗakin kwana. Gwada sake gwada sabo na kwanakin farkon farawa ta hanyar yin wani abu daban tare. Mafi kyawun ayyuka sune waɗanda ke samun adrenaline na yin famfo, kamar hawa abin hawa, koyon yadda ake hawan igiyar ruwa, ko ma kallon wasan kwaikwayo mai cike da aiki. "Samun saurin bugun zuciya a jiki yana motsa ku, yana haɓaka haɗin gwiwar ku," in ji Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., farfesa na bincike a Jami'ar Michigan.

> "Gabatarwar sa tana buƙatar aiki. Ba a taɓa kunna ni ba."

Kawai shiga ƙarƙashin murfin na iya cancanta a matsayin fifiko a gare shi, amma yawancin mata suna buƙatar ƙarin dumama. Burin ku? Don dawo da wannan marmarin da kuka ji lokacin da kuka haɗu da farko. Bari jira ya ginu tare da banter lokacin abinci mai ban sha'awa ko kwarkwasa. Lana Holstein, MD, masanin ilimin jima'i wanda ke gudanar da shirin ma'aurata a Miraval Spa a Tucson, Arizona. Da zarar kun shiga cikin ɗakin kwana, bincika fiye da wuraren jin daɗi na yau da kullun. "Tsarin kunnuwa da wuyansa na iya zama da ban sha'awa sosai," in ji Whipple. Yi gwaji tare da nau'ikan tuntuɓar daban -daban, kamar kumburi da tausa.

"Na yi nauyi kwanan nan kuma ban ji kamar sexy ba."

Yana da kyau al'ada don tunanin ba ku da kyawawa lokacin da kuke ɗaukar ƙarin fam. Amma yi imani da shi ko a'a, mai yiwuwa abokin tarayya bai lura ba. Abin da ke da mahimmanci shi ne ka tuna cewa kana da kyan gani, in ji Orbuch. Gwada dabararta na haɓaka girman kai a duk lokacin da kuka kalli madubi: Gano aƙalla halaye na zahiri guda biyar da kuke so, komai ƙanƙanta. Kuna son kamanninku masu kaifi? Albarka tare da curvy hips? Tsayar da waɗannan sifofi a hankali zai ƙara ƙarfin jikin ku- "To me zai faru idan na hau girma? Ina da ƙyallen kunci"-da taimaka muku jin daɗin fata na ku (tsirara).

"Mun shagala sosai."

A cikin wannan shekarun renon ƙungiyar tag da sati-sati na aiki na sa'o'i 60, yana da wahalar kasancewa tare. Amma bincike na baya -bayan nan daga Jami'ar Arizona ya nuna cewa ma'aurata suna sha'awar juna fiye da kima yayin lokutan babban haɗin kai. Hanya ɗaya da za a fara sake haɗawa ita ce fitar da talabijin daga ɗakin kwanciya: Ma'aurata ba tare da sun yi jima'i sau biyu kamar yadda suke tare da su ba, a cewar wani binciken Italiyanci. Yi amfani da lokacin yin shiru don yin magana maimakon haka, in ji farfesa na Jami'ar Minnesota Paul Rosenblatt, Ph.D., marubucin littafin Biyu a cikin Bed. "Lokacin da abokan hulɗa ke tattaunawa, suna ƙara taɓa juna, wanda zai iya haifar da jima'i," in ji shi. Hakanan yakamata kuyi ƙoƙarin tserewa sau da yawa a shekara, koda kuwa kawai kuna sata zuwa otal a cikin garin ku. Alice Domar, Ph.D., masanin halayyar dan adam a Cibiyar Kiwon Lafiya ta Bet Israel Deaconness a Boston.

>> "Ba ya ganin hakan."

Shin bai kamata maza suyi tunanin jima'i ba, kamar, kowane sakan biyar? To me yasa ya zama kamar koyaushe yana duba imel ko kallon talabijin maimakon ya jawo ku cikin ɗakin kwanan ku? Matsaloli a ofis ko damuwa game da kuɗin ku na iya shafar sha'awar jima'i, in ji Holstein. "Sau da yawa maza ba sa raba abin da ke damun su, don haka wataƙila ba ku ma san cewa wani abu ba daidai ba ne," in ji ta. "Amma idan yana kiyaye abubuwa daga gare ku, zai iya jin nisa a zuciya da kuma jiki." Yi tambayoyi don sa shi ya buɗe; Magana game da damuwar sa zai taimaka masa ya gane cewa ba ya buƙatar magance matsala da kansa. Wani bayani don saukar da libido: Idan kun ƙi ci gabansa kwanan nan, yana iya takaici. "Babu wanda ke son a ƙi shi akai -akai," in ji Holstein. "Bayan ɗan lokaci yana ganin ba ku da sha'awar, kuma ya daina gwadawa akai -akai." Idan abokin tarayya ya ba da shawarar yin jima'i lokacin da ba ku shiga ciki ba, kada ku tsane shi da wata hanya ta a'a. Maimakon haka, nemi rajistan ruwan sama kuma gano lokacin da zai fi dacewa da ku-kamar farkawa rabin sa'a a baya don zaman motsa jiki tsakanin zanen gado kafin aiki.

Bita don