Jagorar Yarinyar Kyakkyawa don Rashin kasancewa Doormat

Wadatacce

• Kammala Matsayinku
• Aikace -aikacen Yayi Cikakke
• Nix Maganar Kai Magana
• Ka ce A'a
• Yi Magana
• Yi Mad
• Kewaye Kanka da Wasu Mata Masu Ƙarfi
• Bita don

Shin kai ne wanda maigidanka ya kira don shigowa a ƙarshen mako? Shin ke ce yarinyar tafi-da-gidanka lokacin da 'yar uwarki ke buƙatar kafaɗa don kuka? Shin kai abokin ne wanda koyaushe yana ƙarewa ya rufe tip, kasancewarsa direban da aka zaɓa, mai kula da siyan kyaututtukan rukuni, da ba da hakuri a duk lokacin da wani ya ji rauni? Shin kuna adalci da kyau? A matsayinmu na mata, an koya mana mu kasance masu haɗin kai, masu tausayi, masu sauƙin kai da yarda. Duk da cewa waɗannan duk kyawawan halaye ne don samun su, yana kuma nufin muna iya samun damar cin gajiyar sa. Amma akwai daidaito tsakanin kasancewarta kyakkyawar yarinya da zama mafarin ƙofa.

Masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam da Kocin Rayuwa Jan Graham, na Rayuwar Koyarwa Kadan, ya ce mata za su iya koyan zama masu jajircewa ba tare da jin son kai ba ko rasa kyaututtukanmu na dabi'a don diflomasiya, sassauci, da fasaha wajen neman mafita na "nasara/nasara". "Babu wani abu mara kyau tare da yin kyau!" ta ce, "Dole ne kawai mu sami ƙarin, da kyau, dabarun game da shi." Ga yadda ake samun abin da kuke so ba tare da rasa wanda kuke ba:

Kammala Matsayinku

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Wannan ba game da samun damar daidaita littafi akan kanku ba ko kallon sirara a siket ɗin fensir ɗinku. Wannan shine game da tabbatar da ikon ku ta wurin matsayin ku. A cikin jawabinta na TED "Harshen Harshenku Siffar Wanene Kai," ƙwararre kan yaren harshe Amy Cuddy ta yi bayanin cewa bincike ya gano cewa lokacin da mata ke amfani da "madafan iko" muna yawan haɗa kai da maza, ba a fahimci mata kawai sun fi ƙarfi ba, amma cewa sun ji haka game da kansu suma.

Graham ya shawarci mata da su haɗa ido, yin amfani da murya mai ƙarfin gaske, kuma su bijirewa sha'awar ketare hannuwanku da ƙafafu ko goge jikinku sama don ɗaukar sarari kaɗan gwargwadon yiwuwa.

Aikace -aikacen Yayi Cikakke

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Kasancewa mai fa'ida yana zuwa ga wasu mata ta halitta, amma idan kawai tunanin tsayawa don kan ku ya sa kuna son kwanciya, to kuna buƙatar yin aiki, in ji Graham. "Kalubalanci kanku sau da yawa don sanya kanku a waje kuma ku tsaya wa kanku, amma don yin shi da dabara-ba ta hanyar da za ta mamaye ku ba." Idan aikin shine inda kuke yawan jin sawa, fara da tsayawa ga abokin aiki sannan kuyi aiki har zuwa ga shugaban ku. Don haka, idan abokin aikin ku ya nemi ku kalli wani abu da ta yi, kuna iya faɗi wani abu kamar, "Jill, na yi matukar farin ciki da gabatarwar ranar Juma'a da ƙaddamar da sabon samfurin mu. yana buƙatar sanya duk ƙarfina a can-amma zan yi farin cikin duba takardar ku mako mai zuwa. " Makullin shine ka mai da hankali ga abin da za ka iya yi, ba abin da ba za ka iya ba.

Nix Maganar Kai Magana

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Kun kasance koyaushe jin kunya. Ba za ku iya yin wannan ba. Babu wanda yake son jin ra’ayoyinku marasa daɗi. A wasu lokuta mu ne manyan maƙiyanmu, musamman ma a batun yadda muke magana da kanmu. "Sau da yawa, mun sani da hankali cewa muna yiwa kanmu hukunci da mafi girman matsayi fiye da kowa, amma har yanzu muna gaya wa kanmu abubuwa masu ƙazanta ta wata hanya.

Ka ce A'a

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"Mata da yawa suna jin cewa idan wani ya nemi wata alfarma, amsar da ta dace koyaushe ita ce eh, komai tagomashi ko wanda yake tambaya, kuma suna son kai idan ba su yarda kai tsaye ba," in ji Graham. Dabara ɗaya don koyan faɗin a'a shine tuna cewa faɗin '' eh '' ga abu ɗaya ta atomatik yana nufin faɗin '' a'a '' ga wasu abubuwa da yawa kamar masoya, dabbobin gida ko lokacin hutu. Kuma idan kuna da wahalar faɗi "a'a" kai tsaye, aƙalla koya jinkirta dabaru. Graham ya ce ba daidai ba ne ka ba da uzuri da "wataƙila" sannan ka ɗauki ƙarin lokaci don kimanta ko da gaske kana son sadaukar da kanka. Ta fi so? "Kamar yuwuwa, amma ina buƙatar fara duba kalanda na."

Yi Magana

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A cikin tattaunawa da wasu, zaku iya faɗin ra'ayin ku yayin da kuke riƙe alherinku da diflomasiyya. Graham ya ce, "Ba lallai ne ku kasance masu fa'ida ko rashin mutunci ba, amma idan kuna ma'amala da mutanen da ke yawan magana da ku, kuna iya buƙatar koyan yadda ake katsewa kamar yadda suke yi."

Yi Mad

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Sau da yawa ana gaya mana cewa fushi ba ya da amfani amma wani lokacin kuna buƙatar wuta kaɗan don motsa ku don yin wani abu. Graham ya ce idan ana rashin kulawa da ku, ba a raina ku ba, ko ana cin moriyar ku, kada kawai ku ɓata rai ko ku yi kuka ga aboki mai tausayi ko memba na dangi. "Ka ɗauki waɗannan abubuwan da ba su da daɗi, kuma idan sun sami barata, juya su waje maimakon ciki," in ji ta. "Ku fito da wani tsari na ƙaramin abu ɗaya da za ku iya yi don ku ƙara ma kanku." Misali, lokaci na gaba da abokin ku zai gayyaci kanta don cin abincin dare, sanar da ita cewa kun riga kuna da wasu tsare -tsare amma kuna son saita lokaci don cin abinci a mako mai zuwa.

Kewaye Kanka da Wasu Mata Masu Ƙarfi

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’Har yanzu akwai ma'auni biyu, wanda ake yiwa mata hukunci daban da na maza saboda tsayawa wa kansu," in ji Graham. Maimakon yin gasa da juna, sami wasu mata masu ƙarfi, masu ƙarfin gwiwa don yin hulɗa da su. Ba wai kawai za su taimaka muku jin daɗin dabi'ar tsayawa kan kan ku ba, amma kuma ba za ku damu ba idan wasu marasa ma'ana suna kiran wannan rashin kunya.

Bita don