Shin Mata Suna Neman Aure?

Wadatacce

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Ko kun jingina ko ba ku yarda ba, yawancin mata suna son hakan idan yazo ga namiji. Don haka lokacin da kuka same shi kuka zama matarsa, wataƙila za ku ji kamar rayuwar ku (ko aƙalla ɓangaren soyayya) ba zai iya zama mafi kyau ba-har sai kun fahimci wani abu kamar yana ɓacewa: libido.

A cewar wani dan karamin bincike na matan aure da aka buga a Jaridar Jima'i da Maganin Aure, mata sukan rasa sha’awar jima’i tun kafin mazansu su yi. [Tweet wannan gaskiyar!] Kuma kusan kashi 9 na mata 18 zuwa 44 sun ba da rahoton cewa suna cikin baƙin ciki saboda ƙarancin sha'awar su, binciken 2008 ya samo. Kafin ku damu, ji abin da masana suka yi imanin yana iya ɓarna da Uwargida mojo da yadda za ku ci gaba da yin ƙarfi da ƙarfi bayan an gama bikin amarcin.

Abin da mata ke so ya canza. Aure mai tsarki ba shine abin da ya kasance ba. Ganin mace game da ƙungiya mai kyau, mai ƙarfi ta fi rikitarwa fiye da kowane lokaci-kuma, a wasu lokuta, iyaka da rashin gaskiya. Psychotherapist da Yin Zamantakewa a Cikin Kamuwa marubuciya Esther Perel ta taƙaita ta mafi kyau a cikin mashahurin mashahurin TED Talk, "Sirrin son sha'awa cikin dangantaka mai daɗewa":

"Aure ya kasance cibiyar tattalin arziƙi wanda aka ba ku haɗin gwiwa don rayuwa dangane da yara, matsayin zamantakewa, gado, da abokantaka. Amma yanzu ... mun zo wurin mutum ɗaya kuma a zahiri muna roƙonsu su ba mu abin da sau ɗaya gaba ɗaya ƙauyen da aka yi amfani da su don samar da: mallaka, ainihi, ci gaba, ɗaukaka, asiri, tsoro, ta'aziyya, gefen, sabon abu, sani, tsinkaya, da mamaki duka a ɗaya." Oh, wannan duka?

Fadin "Na yi" babban kisa ne. Ko da kun sami abokiyar rayuwar ku, gaskiya ne kawai cewa jin daɗin soyayya zai shuɗe. “Kwakwalwa ita ce yankin da ya fi yawan zubar da hankali ga mata, kuma da zarar kun yi aure, kuzarin kwakwalwar da kuka samu a baya baya nan saboda kuna tare a koda yaushe kuma babu wani sirrin da ya rage – wasan tunanin da kuke bukata ya tafi. , in ji masanin ilimin halayyar dan adam Belisa Vranich, Psy.D., memba mai ba da shawara na SHAPE. A takaice dai, ba tare da tashin hankali ba, mata kawai ba za su iya yin farin ciki ba.

Ba ya taimaka cewa maza suna son samun kwanciyar hankali sosai a cikin dangantaka kafin mata su yi, don haka yayin da kuke haɗa kanku sosai don kwanan abincin dare, bai ma canza rigarsa ba. "Yana da mahimmanci mu kasance masu kyawu da juna," in ji Vranich. Kuma tunda mutane ba su da matsin lamba iri ɗaya na al'umma don ci gaba da yin ado da kyau, wannan cire haɗin na iya zama kashe-kashe na gaske.

Tsaro trumps jima'i. Don haka me yasa mata ke tsayawa tsawon lokaci bayan samun vanilla? Vranich yayi bayanin cewa, "Aure ya dogara ne akan jin daɗi, tsinkaya, da tsaro, waɗanda ke da fa'ida ga rayuwar yau da kullun da cudanya, amma abin takaici wannan yana kashe sha'awar, wacce ke buƙatar ɓarna, ɓarna, da ba'a." Koyaya saboda muna buƙatar tsaro fiye da jima'i, wasu mata suna da cikakkiyar farin ciki tare da alaƙar da aka hana ta (ko ma rashin jima'i), in ji ta.

Maza suna sauka da sauƙi. Kamar yadda wataƙila kun lura, sha'awar ta fito ne daga kai ɗaya a cikin mata kuma ɗayan (ƙasa kudu) a cikin gents. Ana iya biyan buƙatunsa tare da ɗan taƙaitaccen taƙaitawa, amma kaɗan daga hankali a gare ku na iya nufin O ba tafiya bane. Vranich ya ce "Komai daga bacin rai zuwa tunani game da wani abu da kuka manta yi wa ƙafafunku yin sanyi zai iya hana ku samun inzali," in ji Vranich. Idan abokin tarayya ba ya tunanin kololuwa a matsayin nasa kuma abin ta, jima'i sau da yawa yana zama abin takaici kuma ba abin sha'awa bane.

Kashewa na iya zama mafi zafi… Kafin ku yi ciniki a cikin takalmanku na kinky don slippers na gida, sami wannan: A cikin binciken da Match.com da mai ba da shawara na kimiyya Helen Fisher, Ph.D., mafi girma na manya ya ce jima'i ya fi kyau a cikin dangantaka marar aure tare da dogon lokaci. -mutum, abokin zama."Yã yiwuwar watsewa yana nufin ku duka biyun kuna buƙatar ci gaba da kasancewa a saman wasanku, ko da ɗan kaɗan ne kawai. Kuna buƙatar yin isa kawai don kiyaye shi ba tare da bata lokaci ba da jin daɗi, "in ji Vranich, wacce ta samu a cikin aikinta da bincike cewa mutane kuma suna yaudara ƙasa lokacin da ba a kulle su ba. [Tweet wannan!]

... ko kuma ka ce "Na yi," don mafi alheri da muni. Ko da idan ba ku da madaidaicin ƙafar ƙafa a kowane dare, har yanzu kuna iya samun farin cikin ku har abada. "A bara, mun yi nazari tare da ma'aurata 1,000, kuma na yi mamakin sanin cewa kashi 80 cikin 100 sun ce za su sake auren matar da suke a yanzu," in ji Fisher, masanin ilimin halittar ɗan adam. Kashi saba'in da biyar cikin dari sun ba da rahoton cewa har yanzu suna cikin soyayya da abokin tarayya-kuma wasu sun kasance tare sama da shekaru 25.

Don sa ya zama na ƙarshe, kuna buƙatar tabbatar da cewa kuna kanku don dalilan da suka dace kuma kada ku daina saka hannun jarin ku. "Yana da mahimmanci ganin juna a matsayin mutane masu ban sha'awa masu zaman kansu waɗanda kuke so da gaske kuma ba soyayya kawai ba," in ji Vranich. Ƙananan iri-iri-ciki da fita daga gado-ba ya cutar da ko dai. "Sabon abu yana motsa tsarin dopamine a cikin kwakwalwa, wanda ke haifar da tsarin testosterone kuma yana iya tayar da sha'awar jima'i," in ji Fisher.

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